My depression: magically gone
Ok so the holidays are over. I successfully managed to avoid most of it: I did make Christmas dinner and bought a few presents but that’s about it. I don’t see why I should have to participate as I am an atheist and really hate how everything revolves around spending lots of money when I don’t exactly have vast quantities of the stuff and hearing of spoilt little teenagers complaining that their parents bought them the wrong color iphone. Why should I have to put up with this crap when I am in the depths of a depressive episode and the prospect of being admitted to hospital is never far from my thoughts.
Ok enough moaning…
I have had the weirdest week: I have been on sodium valproate for a few weeks and it had the effect of turning me into a zombie whose main goal is hibernation. That was until Tuesday, when I went to see my psychiatrist and told him of the sedation. He said that in combination with the quetiapine it could cause an excessive amount of sedation so he said I could decrease my quetiapine from 700mg to 600mg. This did not seem like a big decrease and I thought nothing of it really as I took my meds and went to my usual restless sleep that night. In the morning I woke up and was feeling rather energetic which was surprising but I just got myself together and went to work expecting the energy to go away. To my surprise, the energy didn’t go away and I did a full days work and after that went off to go and get my hair done. Even when I got home I was still not feeling at all sedated and proceeded to cook myself a nice dinner and dye my hair. When I went to bed I slept surprisingly well if not for that long.
This morning I woke again expecting to feel drained but the feeling did not come. I went to work wide awake and did another full day and even went out after. Even now as I write this I am feeling energetic and kind of normal. I have missed this feeling.
Another thing that has magically lifted is my mood. I can honestly say I feel happy again. It’s so strange, this has never happened to me before as I have always gotten better gradually but it just feels like someone has flicked a switch in my brain and everything is suddenly fine. I feel happy, motivated and most importantly I’m not getting any negative or suicidal thoughts.
I really hope that this feeling lasts as I really have to get writing my thesis. I don’t know what has happened in my brain chemistry but whatever it is, I like it.