Fear the future

While I am over the moon that I have made it this far I am absolutely petrified of the coming year. My PhD thesis is due at the end of March and there is so much to do it’s a bit overwhelming. I know that this is what I signed up for and I am confident that I can do it but at the same time I’m afraid that I’m going to have another mood swing and I won’t be able to do it in time. 100,000 words is an awful lot to think about.

Right now I feel a total sense of foreboding and no matter how hard I try to shake it off I cannot help but be constantly anxious about the future. Nothing is certain and although I am trying to write up as much as I can now in order to be prepared for the worst I fear it will not be enough. Guess I’m experiencing a crisis of faith in myself right now. My mood is incredibly unstable and some days I work non stop like a girl possessed but on others I can barely think and although I try and try I just can’t seem to concentrate let alone do anything. How am I going to do this?

Fear about the future is a real anxiety of mine. I constantly worry that I wont be able to cope and that I’ll end up not able to have the career that I so desperately want and that I’ll end up living off the system for the rest of my life. No-one can know what will happen in the future and I am so scared that mine will not be bright.