Restless in hospital
Feeling really restless. Woke up at 3 and you can’t go for a cigarette till 8 so I am feeling very edgy.
It is much nicer here and I am calm most of the time, but still get very agitated sometimes. I have been trying to keep myself occupied but this is one of those places where there is very little to do. There seems to be 2 activities: gym and art. Can’t do excersise as it makes me more manic but I have been doing alot of art so maybe the groups will be fun.
Still hoping I will get a place at the maudsley, my supervisor who is head of one of the departments is now in on the act.
In myself I am feeling ok but still having dysphoric mania alot of the time. It’s really hard to admit that you are mentally unwell but I know I’m in a serious predicament. When I got unwell my lithium levels were low and despite increasing the dose twice they have not improved so they think that’s why I have not improved.
My parents are coming round today. I only told them I have bipolar disorder the other day. I have hidden it for such a long time but I just couldn’t lie to them any more. I hope that they will support me and not try and make me give up my phd.