More depression and stuff

I’ve been having a low spell for a couple of weeks now that doesn’t seem to be going away. I don’t even want to get out of bed and when I eventually do I just stare blankly at the TV like some kind of zombie.

I feel really rotten, I don’t seem to enjoy anything and I don’t want to do anything. I have barely been able to get out of bed and have been spending most of my time sleeping.

Most of this week the only time I have been out is to go to appointments, of which there have been many. I have seen my GP three times in the past week, my social worker once and my art therapist once.

Today I actually made it out for some “fun”.  I went to Portobello market, had a look around and a crepe. I managed to go for a walk around and look in a few shops. Its not much but it’s a start I guess and I’m really rather proud of myself.

Right now I am feeling rather low, I’m trying to watch a film but its not really working, I feel like I want to hurt myself. I want to kill myself. It’s all I can think about and it’s really hard not to do anything. I’m worried that I might need to go into hospital to get better, I’m not sure. I’m not really sure of anything right now and I don’t know what to do.

I need to get some help but I can’t go to the emergency psychiatric services because my social worker will not be happy with me. so until then I will take my large amounts of diazepam and try and get through the day.