Feeling under the cosh
I have been managing to go in to uni most days. On Thursday I rather overdid it and so on Friday I was too exhausted to go in. This is rather a difficult lesson to learn as although I have all the enthusiasm needed to work every hour in the day, I am still rather over-medicated at the moment and need to take it easy. This is really rather frustrating and I wish that I would get better quicker because there is so much to do at the moment. I’m trying very hard to be nice to myself and not to get too stressed out by the whole thing.
I have been discharged by the crisis team and am now back under the care of the community mental health team (CMHT). I’m not sure quite how I feel about this and am more than slightly perturbed as I was not consulted or even told about this till the last minute (actually in the discharge meeting). However my mood seems to be staying within acceptable levels most of the time so I guess I don’t need the crisis team any more. Having said that, I am feeling the lack of a safety net and don’t know what I’m going to do should I take a turn for the worse and that is causing me some significant worry.
The thing is that the duty worker at the CMHT and the crisis team: if you call them they always say, “call back if it gets any worse”. It always makes me think,
“I don’t want to call back if I feel worse, I need some help now, that’s why I rang you, dammit”.
So I end up avoiding calling them for this reason and then things can get out of hand and I need to go into hospital. It’s really rather stupid that this happens and I hope now that I have a social worker who I see once a week and can get hold of a bit easier that these things can be sorted out a little smoother and without so much hullabaloo.
We shall see…