From the hospital

I have taken a rather large and fast turn for the worst. I saw the Emergency Psychiatric Service last night and have been admitted into hospital ( and not the good kind).

My thoughts are rushing through my head and I am hearing voices telling me to do bad things to myself and to kill myself. There are lots of voices in my head at the moment and they are all talking over each other and will not shut up. Its like listening to 10 radio stations all at once.

I can’t even think. I’m really in quite a state at the moment but the meds are helping a bit. They area making my head a little clearer so now I can write a bit about it. I’m not sure how much sense I’m making but at the moment I don’t really care, I just need to tell the story of what’s going on at the moment. Things are really bad and I am feeling suicidal. The voices in my head won’t go away and it feels that there is no relief.

I have maxed out my meds and my thoughts are still all jumbled and it hurts to think. I am so scared. I fear this will never go away. I just can’t take the pain of it.